What it’s like to be half Indian and half Pakistani

I have an inside joke with my cousin; we call each other ‘hybrids’ because we are both from two different backgrounds. It always made me feel closer to her and different to everyone else. I always use it now when I meet another fellow ‘hybrid’ (which isn’t often) and it always seems to make them feel special. Which is what being half Indian and half Pakistani is to me:  it is special to be a part of two amazing countries, cultures, and the religions that are commonly associated with them. But before all of that, let's go back to basics. Hi, my name's Aaliyah and I love food and netball and most importantly, my family. I am a huge family person, they are very close to me and they play a huge part in some of my core values and beliefs, especially my parents. So this piece is very special to me and I wanted to find a way to convey this in the best way possible for all of you reading it. So here it is, enjoy this collection of poems and stories on what it is like being half Indian and half Pakistani.

To begin with, I think it is only right to start with my parents. My mum was brought up in an Indian Hindu household and my dad was brought up in a Pakistani Muslim household…  I know, I know...but for love, they made it work (I promised them I wouldn’t make it cheesy…oops) and here we are today. But not without the sacrifices and compromises they both had to make because it was not easy. As I have grown older, I have asked my parents more questions about their experience breaking the barriers that have been set in place from years and years of traditions.

Sacrifice & Sweet Love

Marrying you, was the best thing I ever did,

But did I realise I would re-write all the things I learnt as a kid.

My name, my core, my religion, I lost,

But was it worth fighting for … and at what cost? 

I am Indian, my identity is coded inside me, yet I was so quick to let it go,

Innocence and naivety made it easy, but that was long ago.

Fear of losing you, but no I still have you,

I know now that was part of me too.

Sacrifice and surrender just to have choice and freedom to love you.

Listening to their experiences made me think about how much people give up, through no choice of their own, just to be with someone they love. On many occasions, one person usually has to sacrifice their identity because of the societal pressures within the south Asian community. This has shown me how much power a community can have on someone’s lifetime dreams and happiness, and my parents have always reassured me and my siblings as we have grown older that they will always accept anyone we choose to become friends with, date or marry without judgment, because of what they had to endure.

The Wall

The wall between me and you,

The wall between our son and his grandparents.

Did being Pakistani and Muslim mean I had to stay on this side of the wall?

Exclusion and hurt, but I know it wasn’t your fault, it was beyond us. 

Lost time, but we are stronger now, the wall was broken through our strength.

We broke down the bricks, bricks of ideologies, traditions, all cemented with their ‘love for us’

I don’t believe that, and neither did you, we stayed a unit and will forever be on the same side of that wall.

People are often shocked that my parents prioritise being a good person and being respectable over ethnicity, caste, race or religion, but I wouldn’t have it any other way and it has helped build such a strong relationship between my parents and I. Navigating through my own life’s journey, (I say this like I am much older but I am only 22), I have learnt how to deal with my mixed heritage. When I was a lot younger, I would naturally suppress either my Indian side or my Pakistani side to fit in with a group, but as I have grown older, I have learnt anywhere where I have to do this is not worth it. It is not worth losing my identity to just ‘be accepted’. My parents' fight and struggle facilitated my ability to be able to have the freedom of my decisions now, but to also understand their war at the time. It was and is still extremely hard to come from two warring nations who are still warring, and it is never easy fighting your whole family for love, but it is what my parents chose with full knowledge that their children would be mixed, and I am so grateful they took that big step.

Honestly, I was never aware of how much being half Indian and half Pakistani would affect me in my future life, my focus was more on the fact that I was brown and I had brown things to process, like how I had hairy arms and none of my friends did, but as I got older it became more apparent to me that others found it weird and very unusual that I am from two different cultures within the south Asian community.

You are both? 

Yes, I am both.

Despite what you may think there is hope.

For both opposing countries and religions to marry, to coincide.

But I will not tolerate disrespect and be forced to choose a side. 

“You have the potential of becoming a good person but you’re still a dirty Indian”.

Tell me how you would respond to that? Honestly such a comedian. 

Outcast? I may be but does it change my core, my true essence?

No, I do not change with the societal pressures, that’s been a part of me since adolescence.

Many of my own friends and close ones are from different backgrounds and cultures and we often sit down and discuss all the traditions we do differently and the same. It is amazing for me to be able to connect to and have open minded conversations with those close to me. I find it exciting and fun learning about others and like to teach others what I experience, and I feel it is a crucial process for facilitating a free, open-minded society. Someone who understands my experience and emotions all too well, is my friend Adam who is also half Indian and half Pakistani. Honestly he is the only other person outside of my family that is this exact mix. I am sure there are many others, but I was so excited when I found out because it almost felt like I wasn’t alone, and we instantly connected because of our common kinship.

I think the first thing we asked each other was about common curiosities such as, which side you resonate with more, which food do you like better and wedding festivities. We spoke about how we physically look because I think when you’re mixed with anything your features and complexion are different and I think we must’ve looked so stupid comparing our arm colours! He spoke to me about how he likes that no one can really figure out where he is from and being from both “keeps people guessing”. As well as unknowingly acknowledging common struggles we share, he says the hardest part for him was choosing a cricket team! But we almost reassured each other that there are others like us, and they are doing ok too.

A Package Deal

The Indian and the Pakistani combine,

Kadhi or Khichdi, Shalwar Kameez or Sari, As-Salamu-Alaykum or Kem cho,

The difference, the similarities, I welcome them all as mine.

An edge, a uniqueness about myself, but mostly a privilege.

For two sides that have never coincided, they work together in such harmony. 

Breaking stereotypes, imagine the image.

My parents did something that not many will agree with or understand and that’s not why I’m sharing it. I think it is important for the world to see the different life experiences people have and the internal struggles many face within the south Asian community and how the generations under them are influenced by their decisions. But being mixed, i have been brought up to embrace different cultures and to never fear them, it has helped me better understand our world.

Fear

Different = Fear.

Fear of the potential, fear of the influence, fear of what others will think,

The one emotion that makes everything link.

What gives fear the power to affect loved ones, to crush hopes and dreams,

How to act and how to deal with someone from different ethnicities can lead those to the most extremes. 

I do and I don’t want to be the change, I don’t want to have that power,

But will I just sit here and cower?

I am just me before why the colour of my skin is brown,

So everyone just simmer down.

The struggle and repression my parents went through enabled the freedom and liberty for me to be able to experience two cultures. I am not tied down to one culture or one religion and I have the ability to make choices being brought up with knowledge of both Indian and Pakistani culture. Being confident that I have all the information I need to not only stick up for myself but also make informed decisions. I have always been interested in learning about different cultures and religions and my past experiences and upbringing has given me the confidence to understand the complexity, so I will forever be thankful and grateful I could experience both.

Dedication to you

This is close to me because it is your story,

Your hardships, your accomplishments, it kept me out of a category.

Thank you, thank you a million times over,

I wouldn’t be here writing this; you’ve helped us become closer.

You didn’t give up, despite the obstacles you faced,

You’ve given me freedom and independence interlaced. 

I know there would’ve been times where you were frustrated and mad,

But I can't think of anyone else I would dedicate this to,

To you, Mum & Dad.