What to do if your friends won't respect social distancing

The pandemic is a stressful situation and it is natural to expect everyone to wear a mask (and gloves where necessary) and to maintain a two metres social distance so when friends or family don't, the immediate reaction can be one of anger and disbelief, or awkwardness as you try to find a way to not associate with them physically. But this can be counter-productive. By first understanding why those closest to us may not be respecting safety regulations, it’s easier to find the right reaction (and maybe change their mind) without damaging relationships.

Firstly, it’s important to recognise that people have different levels of risk-averseness and different values. For some people concern for others is more important while for some, autonomy over their own decisions is more important. Another important factor, is the nature of the person and their tendency to worry or be cautious. It is worth noting however that individuals who find the situation particularly worrisome, may wish to avoid thinking about it, so not practicing social distancing or wearing a mask helps them not acknowledge reality.

But perhaps the most defining factors are their experience of the virus so far and their mental and physical wellbeing. Those who are vulnerable or live with vulnerable people, have had the virus themselves or know people who have had and it/or passed away from it are much more likely to be cautious and practicing safety guidelines. On the other hand those who are young and healthy, who don’t live with vulnerable people and who don’t know anyone who has either had the virus or passed away from it, may be less likely to be concerned about the virus and therefore cautious of it. Similarly, those who have struggled physically and especially mentally during lockdown, may seek comfort and familiarity and therefore refuse to social distance. But how do you address this?

To begin with, accept that you may not be able to change the person’s behaviour because this will help you approach them with the right attitude. Rather than just disagree with them, you can engage with them, about it. And remember, it’s perfectly acceptable to ask someone how seriously they are following the guidelines. Then note to them that your behaviour is not coming from a moral high ground but from your own fears, concerns and experiences. Request that they follow the guidelines more strictly, at least around you.

If they refuse, share the science with them. Misinformation and fake news are alarmingly rampant and it’s possible they don’t know or believe the facts, so share with them veritable sources like the World Health Organisation and the results from studies conducted so far. There is a wealth of correct information out there and by sharing it you’ll be helping prevent the spread of damaging and potentially harmful misinformation and instead increasing the number of people who are well-informed and therefore protected. If they still refuse, then don’t feel bad in saying that you can’t meet them now because you don’t feel safe or think it is a responsible thing to do. If you’re struggling with this, appreciate that for now, your concept of being a good friend may have to shift, in favour of other priorities.

Finally remember that every relationship needs to have boundaries but if you keep clashing, ask yourself if it is just about social distancing or if there are wider issues are play. But try not to be too harsh on yourself, or those around you. A global pandemic is a really stressful situation and it would be a shame to loose a friend unless a compromise or solution really cannot be found.